New Job!

I signed off most of the internet for a while because I was in the midst of a job hunt and didn't want to say anything until it was over. I was afraid I would jinx myself or put my foot in my mouth, but that doesn't matter now:

I am officially the new high school English teacher at Cossatot River School District! (Which means another move is in my future.) I'll be teaching 10th and 12th grades (and possibly an ACT prep class) my first year with potential for some other responsibilities in the future (I'd love to do concurrent and AP!), and I am super excited. I was trying to keep it quiet and I still told people before things were official, haha, so staying offline was for my own good. Now that it's out in the open, though, I'll get back to communicating with all you lovely people on a regular basis.

I'm looking over my book list and debating which books I want to tell you guys about, so get ready for informal reviews because I've been busy. If you have any genre requests, do let me know, and please feel free to tell me what you've been reading. I love good book recs. :)

Tea Tree is going well, just slow, and that's all me. I've been fighting with formatting trying to get everything perfect and am almost finished; the differences between print and ebook are infuriating, just for the record, but I can't wait to have a finished book to show off.

Anywho, that's it for now. Be back soon!

...

I am a terrible blogger. In my defense, life is crazy, but I never can seem to stick to my intended schedules, especially since I don't have a set work schedule or anything. I had these big plans of reviewing regularly on here, and then I came to the realization that I don't really care for writing reviews any more and that I couldn't make a big enough difference doing that anyway, so yeah. I may write to tell you guys about books I've read recently, but I don't think I'll do formal reviews any more; it just doesn't feel right.

In other news, I have done absolutely no writing. Because life. I don't have a place to write (yes, I could go to the library, but I already work there and it isn't conducive to writing for me), not even at home (because there are three people and three cats in a two bedroom apartment...), so that's been frustrating; it's even made it hard to work on Tea Tree things. Ugh. I'm still in school but switching programs to one that seems to fit me and my goals a bit better; of course that means that I've basically wasted the last year because those classes now count for nothing. WOO. So I'll start this new program in the fall, and then in about two years when I'm finished with that, I'll start a program for school library media. I think it's official that I'm going to be a profession student.

But for now it's summer, which mean working as many hours as I'm allowed and reading every book I can get my hands on. I'm currently at 14 books for the year, but that's pretty much just February and March. I've got some catching up to do on that front and need to buckle down for Tea Tree and my own writing. Hopefully I can make it back here regularly and form some new habits. We'll see; no promises this time. (Because I'm seriously bad about breaking them.)

Also, Captain America is pretty awesome, so go see it.

And Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful women who make the world go round. <3

Lacking Inspiration

Today would normally be a book review post, but 1) I haven't been feeling well so I didn't schedule one, and 2) I haven't posted anything but reviews the last two weeks and want to change that.

I said before that I was going to get back to writing regularly, and I haven't. But it's not that I'm being lazy or getting in my own way or even that I just haven't had the time. No, I sit down to write, and I stare at a blank page. After so many minutes I open one of my in-progress stories (lately that means the shorts I wrote at Hollins this summer and intended to turn into a story cycle), but even with those I hit a wall. I read them over and over again and wonder what to do next.

Do I change things? Start adding to it? I don't even know.

All the ideas I have suddenly seem all too close to the books I've been reading. It's like all the words I had have simply shriveled up. Like I'm creatively constipated at the moment and all I can do for now is just wait it out. But it's been long enough, I think. I didn't write for months because I was "too busy" and now I'm not writing because I can't think of what to say, so I'm just going to start. I'm not going to stare at the page any more. I'm going to fill it. Even if it's crap. And I'm going to keep at it.

I've got three short stories set in the same world that I want to flush out. I've got two different stories I started ages ago and a third not too many moons ago, and the novel that I want so desperately to get fixed one day.

I have stories to tell, I just have to start.

Book Review: THE MARTIAN by Andy Weir

Title: The Martian

Author: Andy Weir

Published: October 28th, 2014 by Crown/Random House

Format: Paperback, 387 pages

Genre: Science Fiction

Description:

Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars. Now, he's sure he'll be the first person to die there.

After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate the planet while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded on Mars' surface, completely alone, with no way to signal Earth that he’s alive — and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone years before a rescue could arrive.

Chances are, though, he won't have time to starve to death. The damaged machinery, unforgiving environment or plain-old "human error" are much more likely to kill him first. But Mark's not ready to quit. Armed with nothing but his ingenuity and his engineering skills — and a gallows sense of humor that proves to be his greatest source of strength – he embarks on a dogged quest to stay alive, using his botany expertise to grow food and even hatching a mad plan to contact NASA back on Earth.

As he overcomes one seemingly insurmountable obstacle after the next, Mark begins to let himself believe he might make it off the planet alive – but Mars has plenty of surprises in store for him yet.

Grounded in real, present-day science from the first page to the last, yet propelled by a brilliantly ingenious plot that surprises the reader again and again, The Martian is a truly remarkable thriller: an impossible-to-put-down suspense novel that manages to read like a real-life survival tale.

Book Review: READY PLAYER ONE by Ernest Cline

Title: Ready Player One
Author: Ernest Cline
Published: August 16, 2011 by Random House
Format: Hardcover, 372 pages
Genre: Science Fiction, Dystopia

Description: 

In the year 2044, reality is an ugly place. The only time teenage Wade Watts really feels alive is when he's jacked into the virtual utopia known as the  OASIS. Wade's devoted his life to studying the puzzles hidden within this world's digital confines, puzzles that are based on their creator's obsession with the pop culture of decades past and that promise massive power and fortune to whoever can unlock them. When Wade stumbles upon the first clue, he finds himself beset by players willing to kill to take this ultimate prize. The race is on, and if Wade's going to survive, he'll have to win—and confront the real world he's always been so desperate to escape.

Hello?

I know this blog is mostly just me talking into the void, but I'm back. Again. Man, I've got a horrible history with this. Life's fun that way, I guess.

Six months ago I was in Virginia attending Hollins College for an MFA in Children's Literature. Only I spent a lot of money that I didn't have and felt like I was doing nothing but wasting everything: time, money, energy. I met some great people, but Hollins itself just wasn't a good fit for me, especially not for the price tag. So I came back to Arkansas, again, though VA was only ever a 6 week thing to begin with.

Still, it was rather disappointing to chase after a dream only to have it wither and die. And then come home to a sick cat and a $200 vet bill that I couldn't afford.

Yay!

Now I'm back at Tech, yet again, and working on yet another degree. This one's for teaching, so now I can at least be eligible to teach at the secondary level, not that that's what I really want to do with my life, but it's allowing me to work at the library again, which is currently paying my bills, so. Although, I do love teaching, especially literature and writing. It's just not the dream.

In dream-related news, I'm still working with Dr. White to get Tea Tree Publishing off and running. We've been working on our first manuscript and should have it ready to go before too long. Exciting! Everything's been taking longer than we anticipated, but that's more because this is our first go of it and we're still learning the ropes. I love it. I just need to find more time to dedicate to all of its social media accounts. I need to reconnect with the world, which is sort of why I'm here. I'm setting a new schedule for myself, and part of that time includes writing and reading. And that always brings me back to talking about it.

Meaning new reviews! And new stories! And me actually posting regularly about things instead of popping in every few months to promise that I'll be back. I'm getting my life together, and this time I mean it. I'm not going to let anything get in my way this year, especially not myself. So, if you're reading this and there's something you'd like to see in the content, let me know. I'm rededicating myself to the things that I love, so I'm also up for recommendations on just about anything: blogs to follow, books to read, tricks to try...

Reviews will resume shortly, and I'll probably tweak the site layout a bit and update, but I'll be back soon, lovelies. With regularly scheduled posts and everything. ;)

Hollins! And Short Story #4

I've spent the last week settling in at Hollins University in Virginia, where I'm officially working on an MFA in Children's Literature (because I apparently like to collect degrees). I'm still sorting out my schedule, but I promise reviews are coming. In the mean time, I wanted to share a short story I just wrote for my genre study in fantasy course, which was supposed to be a retelling of Hans Christian Andersen's "The Little Mermaid." I'm sharing it here because the stories I post on the blog are written and posted sans revision, and in this class we're supposed to be handing in first drafts, so I thought it fit the bill. So, without any further ado, I give you "Song of the Sea."

Reviews and an Update

I said I would have book reviews up, like, last week, but clearly I haven't posted any new ones. My internet went away again, so I'm trying to write a few up for scheduling purposes. So they are on their way! Up first is going to be Eon: Dragoneye Reborn by Allison Goodman.

I'm also working on Tea Tree Publishing stuff and getting ready to head back to school, which is actually super exciting. I've already got a jump on my reading, so I just finished Odd and the Frost Giants by Neil Gaiman. Also looking forward to seeing Maggie Steifvater while I'm there, hoping I might be able to get a signature on Scorpio Races, which has been my favorite of hers and will probably come up in my Scandinavian and Celtic Mythology in Children's Lit course. All that's left is to get back to writing.

When I get back I'm planning on moving towns. Again. But I'm doing all kinds of scheduling, so I promise I'm not going to let myself slip back into the void. I'm determined to be super productive and present. I know what I want and how to get it, so I'm not letting anything get in my way anymore, especially not myself.

Apologies & Excuses

I'm sorry; I get so excited about posting on here and doing reviews, and then I let life just come in and sweep me away. It also doesn't help that I refuse to get internet because the providers here suck...

Nothing much has actually happened lately to blame for my absence, well, at least nothing exciting. Although, I suppose that's not entirely true; I did finish out what is, for now at least, my last semester teaching. It was crazy hectic and stressful, and I've just been binge watching a lot of Netflix (Daredevil! The Fall! Amazing stuff, guys. Seriously. Go watch them.) while trying to figure my life out. Again. Funny how that happens so often for me. I really need to find a full-time gig. Oi. 

Anywho. School is over, and I'm enjoying the lull before I head off to Hollins in about a month. Which really means I've been ordering books and making plans and trying to figure out where I'll be living when I get back. Fun (and seriously stressful) stuff. But it's all good. Because I'm finally feeling like a person again. One with hopes and dreams and feelings. So I'm thinking about books a lot: books I want to read, books I want to write, books I want to analyze and discuss. The creative juices are officially picking back up, and it feels good. 

I have manuscripts to read as well as a number of published books (both for my upcoming classes and for recreation) and a fervor to get writing, both academically and creatively. I also feel like embracing myself rather than trying to continue conforming to the idea of professionalism I've had to maintain as a non-tenured (hell, not even full-time) professor and manager, meaning I want to color my hair something obnoxiously bright, something I've never been able to do without bleaching my near-black hair. I'm turning over yet another new leaf in my attempt to live a happier life: I've quit teaching as adjunct faculty, I'm leaving the theatre, I'm heading off to VA this summer to pursue yet another degree, I'm dedicating more time and energy to Tea Tree, and I'll be going teal in the near future. 

So if you still read this, stay tuned for more exciting updates, stories, and reviews (which I'll be doing weekly from here out just like the good old days), because I'm not giving up on blogging just yet.

Tea Tree Publishing is Live!

I've been meaning to get on here and tell you all, but I've been a little busy with work. First, I got accepted to the Children's Literature MFA at Hollins University in VA, which is really awesome and exciting. So WOO!! And second...

Tea Tree Publishing, the independent publishing company I hoped to open with my former professor, is finally real! Our primary focus is publishing local (at least for now) children's and young adult literature as well as local folklore. For more information you can check out our website at teatreepublishing.com and see what we're about, or jump from there to our social media accounts and follow us.

I can't tell you all how excited I am to be starting this adventure. :)

Book Review: House of Ivy & Sorrow

Title: House of Ivy & Sorrow
Author: Natalie Whipple
Published: April 5th, 2014 by HarperTeen
Format: eBook, 368 pgs.
Age Group: Young Adult
Genre: Parnormal, Mystery

Description:

Josephine Hemlock has spent the last 10 years hiding from the Curse that killed her mother. But when a mysterious man arrives at her ivy-covered, magic-fortified home, it’s clear her mother’s killer has finally come to destroy the rest of the Hemlock bloodline. Before Jo can even think about fighting back, she must figure out who she’s fighting in the first place. The more truth Jo uncovers, the deeper she falls into witchcraft darker than she ever imagined. Trapped and running out of time, she begins to wonder if the very Curse that killed her mother is the only way to save everyone she loves.

Review:

If you think you know witches, think again. There is no good magic, only dark. The only difference between the good witches and the bad, then, is whether or not they let the magic consume them, to eat them alive from the inside. And then there's the Curse. The thing that drained the life from Josephine Hemlock's mother and countless other witches throughout time. That sucks the magic from them until there is nothing left. Where it comes from, no one knows, but when a man appears at the heavily fortified Hemlock house dripping in evil and darkness, Jo and her grandmother must finally come to terms with the loss of Jo's mother to figure out just who killed their dear Carmina and stop the Curse from obliterating what remains of the Hemlock family.

Natalie Whipple offers up another piece of her heart in this beautiful tale of family and sacrifice. As is her way, she crafts fantastic worlds within our own populated by real people. It's hard not to grow attached to the characters when it seems as if you are reading about your own best friend, boyfriend, or grandmother. Whipple captures what it is to be in love for the first time, to be an ugly duckling, to shun someone close, and be so completely terrified of losing those we hold most dear.

But Whipple's success with this story does not come solely from the relatability of her characters; it also stems from the ease with which we accept the world she has built for us and the skill with which she shapes the story. Far too often plots are easy to predict, but the mysteries in House of Ivy & Sorrow are not so easily unwound. Delightfully, it distracts with little details that you see coming, only to wait until the last moment to reveal something bigger. So while you may guess a few smaller facts while reading, Whipple has mastered the art of concealing the bigger picture until she is ready for the reveal.

Another wonderful tale of supernatural wonder and the beauty of family from an author who continues to inspire and persevere. Do check out her other books, including Fish Out of Water (out Feb. 5th!), as she never fails to impress.

But It Now:
Amazon. B&N.com. Book Depository. IndieBound.

Short Story #3

Standing on the edge of the roof, the boy looked out at the dying land and sighed. He had done all he could. There was nothing left to plant, no water to spare. He was all that remained. It was over. There would be no harvest this winter, and the food inside was too little to last beyond the week.

His shoulders sagged and his breaths came more slowly; the panic had long since passed. This was the end. The end of his land, his family's heritage, his very life.

The world stretched out before him, beckoning him to the far corners of the earth, and he was ready, now, to listen. With Mother and Father gone there was no one left alive to keep him; even the land, it seemed, had given him leave to go. And he would listen.

Inside, the boy packed what meager things still fought the ravages of time into a well-worn knapsack. He traded his slippers for more sturdy boots and shrugged on a leather coat; the sky may have been empty these last months, but the wind grew fiercer daily. Last bits of bread and cheese found their way into pockets and pouches, and with one final look around the bare house, he closed the door and followed the wind.

Book Review: Fish Out of Water by Natalie Whipple

Title: Fish Out of Water

Author: Natalie Whipple

Published: February 5, 2014 by Hot Key Books

Format: eARC

Age Group: Young Adult

Genre: General Fiction, Romance

Description:

Mika Arlington was supposed to spend the summer after her junior year shadowing her marine biologist parents at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, but when her estranged grandmother randomly shows up on the doorstep one day, those plans are derailed. Because Grandma Betty isn't here to play nice—she is cranky, intolerant of Mika's mixed-race-couple parents, and oh yeah she has Alzheimer's and is out of money.  While Mika's family would rather not deal with Grandma Betty, they don't have much choice. And despite Mika's protests, she is roped into caring for a person that seems impossible to have compassion for. And if that wasn't hard enough, Mika must train the new guy at her pet shop job who wants to be anywhere else, and help a friend through her own family crisis. Something's gotta a give, but whichever ball Mika drops means losing someone she loves. Not exactly a recipe for Best Summer Ever—or is it? 

Review:

I've had my review copy of this book for about a month now, and while the release is still a little ways off, I wanted to take my time getting this up because I wanted it to be right. It's only recently that I've come to enjoy realistic fiction, books without superpowers or imaginary worlds with great battles; I like to submerge myself in science fiction and fantasy novels, and part of the reason why is that I rarely found a realistic novel that, well, felt real to me. Even books like Hold Still, 13 Reasons Why, and The Fault in Our Stars (all of which I loved, by the way) are stories that don't belong to the everyday; yes, they happen, but I don't consider these types of stories as things that occur on a regular basis to the average person; they are exceptions, and, yes, they are real and heartbreaking and wonderful. 

But what Natalie Whipple has delivered is a moment of truth. 

Mika (and that's Meeka, not Micah) finally gets the opportunity to work at the Aquarium with her marine biologist parents when two strangers bring all her plans crashing down. Dylan is the new guy at work, but he's also the boss's hot troubled nephew with more than a few issues, but Dylan's not even the worst of Mika's problems. When an old woman she's never seen before shows up on her doorstep, Mika thinks she must have the wrong address, but Betty Arlington turns out to be Mika's estranged grandmother who has no money, no home, and a developing case of Alzheimer's. Torn from her summer internship and caught between the two people she wants nothing to do with, Mika's life becomes an emotional roller-coaster that feels all too familiar.

I wanted to read this book because I have followed Natalie Whipple's journey online for years and have become a huge fan of all her work, and I wasn't the slightest bit disappointed when I cracked this book open; of course, it doesn't hurt that she references The Princess Bride, like, a lot.

While I don't have a relative with Alzheimer's and I haven't fallen in love with a bad boy, I connected with this story so much more than I thought possible. From fights with parents and the fear of falling in love for the first time to quoting movies with best friends and hating the way the world works, this book nails what it is to be human, to have family, to struggle with why people are the way they are. It is real, and it is raw, and it is a great story about acceptance in a world with far too little of it. Whipple shows us what it is to keep swimming when all we want to do is give in, to fight for the things and the people we love and believe in rather than living a life of regrets, and to never give up on anyone, especially those we call family.

Fish Out of Water is a must-read for anyone who has ever lived, laughed, loved, lied, or lost, and I cannot recommend it enough.

Order It Now:

Amazon. B&N.com. Book Depository. 

Short Story #2

I started this the other day; it popped into my head when I was hurting and angry and driving home. It isn't finished, and it still needs loads of work (some bits just don't add up and are really rough), but part of this series is just to keep me writing, and I promised to share the unaltered versions here. So, feel free to share your thoughts below.

Behind Closed Eyes

The other me smiles through her pain without so much as a twinge in her eyes. Even the dimple is there, in her right cheek, telling the world that she's happy. That everything is more than okay. But she is me, and I know better.

I watch her. Every time I close my eyes she's there. Her life plays out before me in the spaces between my own, and I wonder if she sees me too, but then her life would mirror my own; would it not?

Opening my eyes, I stare at the tiled ceiling above me, trying to find new shapes and pictures in the lines etched into each one, like clouds in the sky. I wonder if it's still blue beyond the walls or if the smog has gotten so bad there is no sky now. Mostly I just hope there are still birds somewhere.

My eyes itch. The air is too dry in here for me to keep them open long. I blink, and a fraction of a second feel like an eternity. She's hiding in the bathroom, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. But she won't cry. Not 'til she's alone.

Time. Time no longer flows from one moment to the next. It pauses and slows down and speeds up so that I may live another life within my own, but I can't keep up. The moments jumble in my head so fast now that I no longer remember which past belongs to me. Which life is real.

The guard knocks on my door, and I try to remember what time it is.

Behind my eyes, she closes the door behind her, bolting the lock, and sliding down the door into a heap on the floor where she finally, finally let's it all out.

It's time for my session, the guard reminds me, and I force my eyes open. I need to make it down the hall, up the stairs and through two rooms without so much as blinking. Blinking means losing time, means living whole minutes or hours in the span of a second and coming to mid-step in a stairwell.

In this moment I am glad the other me cannot see through time and space the way I do. Glad she does not have the doctors and the shrinks and the drugs that I do. She has a family. Mine are all gone. It is better this way.

Book Review: The Elite by Kiera Cass

Title: The Elite (The Selection #2)
Author: Kiera Cass
Published: April 23, 2013 by HarperTeen
Format: Paperback, 323 pgs.
Age Group: YA
Genre: Romance, Dystopia

Description:

The Selection began with thirty-five girls. Now, with the group narrowed down to the Elite, the competition to win Prince Maxon's heart is fiercer than ever--and America is still struggling to decide where her own heart truly lies. Is it with Maxon, who could make her life a fairy tale? Or with her first love, Aspen, who she always thought was the one?

America is desperate for more time. But the rest of the Elite know exactly what they want--and America's chance to choose is about to slip away.

Review: 

A romance that's equally thrilling and heart-wrenching, Kiera Cass delivers a fabulous sequel, with all the glamour of the first book and more ruin and war that develop the world America calls home.

Following the announcement of the six Elite, America feels more doubt than ever, and not just about where her heart lies; she begins to lose sight of herself as well. Torn between the familiarity and comfort that is Aspen and the passion she has for Maxon, America walks the line between them, constantly back and forth in her affections and decisions. But her heart isn't the only thing at risk, and America has seriously begun to question her ability and desire to run a country. Does she have the strength to do what others cannot? To stand up against the injustices of her world? Does she even want to?

This book gave me more than I hoped for, appealing to the nerd in me by delving into the country's history and unraveling the mystery of its birth. Also held within these pages: secrets about Maxon's family and past that give insight into his character and actions. I fell more in love with these people with every page I turned, grew more annoyed with America's indecisiveness, and questioned everyone's motives until I reached the end. Now I have entirely new questions, and I want more, more, more. Cass has a way of turning something as simple and ridiculous as a public mating ritual into a tale of social unrest and upheaval with danger, intrigue, and mystery. And let's not forget the cat fights and the dresses and the prince and the kissing. I could use more of the kissing (which, if the preview at the end was any indication, book three holds even more of!).

Most sequels have a tendency to fall flat or over reach, but this one doesn't disappoint in the slightest. Even if you're not a romance fan, the world building alone is enough to keep you reading. Once again, I highly recommend this series.

Buy It Now:

Amazon. B&N.com. Book Depository. IndieBound.

Book Review: The Selection by Kiera Cass

Title: The Selection
Author: Kiera Cass
Published: March 26,2013; Paperback; 327 pgs.
Age Group: YA
Genre: Romance, Dystopia

Description:

For thirty-five girls, the Selection is the chance of a lifetime. The opportunity to escape the life laid out for them since birth. To be swept up in a world of glittering gowns and priceless jewels. To live in a palace and compete for the heart of gorgeous Prince Maxon.

But for America Singer, being Selected is a nightmare. It means turning her back on her secret love with Aspen, who is a caste below her. Leaving her home to enter a fierce competition for a crown she doesn't want. Living in a palace that is constantly threatened by violent rebel attacks.


Then America meets Prince Maxon. Gradually, she starts to question all the plans she's made for herself—and realizes that the life she's always dreamed of may not compare to a future she never imagined.

Review: 

Not your usual Bachelor setup, but a fun read just the same.

Kiera Cass has created something unique that sits somewhere between The Hunger Games and The Bachelor, featuring characters who are easy to connect with and a world that's not far off from our own media-obsessed culture. While this ins't something I'd normally pick up, I was intrigued by the idea of a girl being forced to participate in a competition to be queen of a country built on the caste system, a system which has done nothing but make every day of her life a struggle.

America is a pretty, talented girl, but it's easy to forgive her for being so much better at life than the rest of us at that age (or even now) because she's human too. She's passionate and stubborn and, now that I'm thinking about it, reminds me a lot of Elizabeth Bennet, always fighting someone or something, even if it's herself. It's easy to relate to her and her struggles, whether that's butting heads with her mother, grieving over lost love, or suffocating under social pressures; you just want the girl to catch a break.

The world in which America lives is possibly even more fascinating than the characters themselves, having been built out of the ashes of the United States after the Fourth World War. With little left of their country and their livelihoods, the people created a monarchy and divided the classes into nearly impossible to break castes. The only perk being The Selection, a contest started by lottery to pick the Prince's bride from among the commoners, which serves to remind them all of their history and rise from ruin.

I was sucked in by Cass's writing and America's magnetic personality and read the entire book in one sitting. Honestly, I've been pitching this story to my friends since I finished it, regardless of their tastes, because of how easy it is to fall into it. Once I reached the end, although it's pretty obvious we expect America to make it through the contest, I needed to know what would happen next, who she would choose to be with, what she would do about the world around her. I highly recommend this to anyone remotely interested in romance, reality television, dytopian worlds, or realistic fiction.

Buy It Now:

Amazon. B&N.com. Book Depository. IndieBound.

Dreaming and Brainstorming: The Plan

I mentioned before that since my passion for teaching isn't enough to keep me in the classroom I wanted to open the bookstore I've been dreaming about for years. Now I want to start making it a reality.

The idea is to sell only book related things in my bookstore, featuring local artists and crafters while keeping everything focused on the books themselves; this means any shirts or jewelry or art sold in my store would be inspired by or feature something from a book (quotes, characters, colors, themes, etc.). This plan also allows me to pursue another dream of mine: selling my own crafts. While I could wait until I have the money (if I ever do) to open the shop, I've come to the conclusion that I should open an Etsy shop instead (something I've been thinking about for a while now) to sell the types of book-ish crafts that I would want in my bookstore; the profits of said Etsy shop would hopefully help fund my someday bookstore.

At the moment I'm still toying with what I have the time, energy, and funds to do, but I love the idea of making blech-design t-shirts with pictures and quotes on them. I also want to make plushes/pillows, only I'm not entirely sure I can pull those off right now. Making bookmarks and cards is another idea I'm tossing around, as are cross stitching and re-printing book pages with quotes and images for framed wall-art.

As I said, the goal is to sell these items for a profit to go towards opening the bookstore then to stock them in the physical store as well along with items of other local artists and crafters (because crafty people flock together).

As for the store itself, ideally it'll be a place that celebrates creativity and will provide a space for open mic nights and readings and the like as well as a place for students and academics to research and study and for the general public to simply come in and enjoy a good book. I want to carry books I believe in, from graphic novels and youth fiction to plays and the classics, and I want to create a space where people feel free to geek out, get creative, buckle down and study, or just relax. A place that celebrates and encourages the creation, study, and enjoyment of art.

Thoughts, comments, questions? What say you? Do  you think Russellville would benefit from a place like this? Or do you think I'm just out of my mind? Either way, I'd like to know what you're thinking.

Making My Own Way

When I moved back to Russellville recently, I was determined to return to teaching, specifically to earn my secondary education teaching license. I'd had a terrible semester before and had decided to quit, but my time away from the classroom made me realize how much I missed it. Since my return, I have been reminded time and time again that not everything we love and miss is meant to last. I desperately wanted to teach because it would have meant having a purpose and a career, one that I actually enjoyed.

Despite being bullied and dismissed throughout my own life, I believed things would be different as a teacher; I was wrong. I had forgotten how much students (rather people in general) want to blame everyone but themselves for their own shortcomings and failures, how they need to tear others down to feel better about themselves. Although I have been through more trials and tribulations than I'd care to admit, I am not strong enough to take that kind of mental and emotional onslaught multiple times per day. When getting up in the morning becomes a chore and the very idea of going to work fills me with dread, it is time to stop and re-examine things. There have been a couple of times in my life when I was lucky enough to know, really know all the way to my core, that a decision I'd made was the wrong one for me, that I was trying to force something that wasn't meant to be. Not every decision, unfortunately, is as black and white. With teaching, I thought that the feelings of inadequacy and the constant worry and stress were balanced out by the joy I got from making a difference. I thought that if I could just focus on the positive, on the impact I was making, that all the negativity would take a back seat. I was wrong.

If there is one thing I have learned in my life it is to do what makes you happy, to live a life that brings you joy doing the things you love most. I want to be the best version of myself that I can be, and, unfortunately, I am not that person when I am teaching. So, rather than continuing to force myself into something that causes me more misery than it brings happiness, I am going to focus on the other things I want to do with my life, like starting a publishing company, opening a bookstore, making and selling my crafts, playing (and possibly composing) music, and writing my stories.

Short Story #1

I wrote a short story the other day after stumbling onto a site where artists do nothing but imagine new monsters, and it sparked an idea for a story. This is unedited and what will hopefully be the beginning of a series of posts in which I share writings that are virtually raw for your entertainment or critique. Rather than having them sit on my hard drive collecting dust, I thought I would put them on here regardless of how they turn out, as every word written is a step towards improvement. 

Breath of Life

“No, no, no. The eyes are all wrong! How am I ever going to pass if I can’t get the eyes right?”

            Samuel threw down the charcoal pencil and crumpled his latest sketch in his fist, tossing it toward the trash bin where it collided with a mound of other drawings and toppled to the floor. His Monstrous Monstrosities final was in three days, and he hadn’t even begun assembling it. How could he when each sketch of the blasted thing kept turning out looking more dim-witted or downright cuddly than the last? There was no such thing as an adorable monster, and his entire family’s reputation was riding on this. All Samuel needed was to fix the eyes; if he could just get the eyes right, he was sure to pass the class and move on to an apprenticeship, and then nothing would stand between him and graduation. He would finally be deemed a Dark Creator. Just like his father. Just like everyone else in his family.

            Picking up the coal, he began again. It didn’t need eyes, he decided. Without them, his monster would be even more terrifying.

            In a snarling fit, Samuel’s monster came thrashing into the world. The moment he breathed life into the thing, its large ears began to twitch, and its razor sharp nails scrambled for purchase on the smooth stone’s surface. Boiling saliva pooled onto the tabletop from a lipless mouth, the thick liquid smoking as it burned into the rock. Samuel grinned at the hideous creature before him and jumped up from his work bench.

            “Finally! I did it!” The creature flinched at his outburst, and, turning its eyeless gaze on him, dove teeth first for Samuel.

            A few cuts and a minor burn later the monster was fairly well contained. In the morning, he would turn it over to his professor, Father Victor, for his final examination.

            Father Victor announced the results publicly in class. With each passing grade, Samuel grew more and more confident. The creatures on display were monstrous alright, but his had been a vicious nightmare; surely he would receive top marks.

            But Father Victor moved alphabetically down the list, and then moved past Samuel altogether, not even sparing him a glance. Samuel’s smug grin dissolved entirely, replaced by a sickening dread that turned his insides to ice. Suddenly embarrassed and ashamed, Samuel lowered his gaze and hunched down in his seat hoping to draw as little attention to his current situation as possible. Only no one else had noticed how Father Victor had skipped over Samuel. They were all too relieved, too busy celebrating their own success. Samuel’s heart dropped into his stomach.

            When class ended, everyone spilled into the hallway like water from a dam in a tumble of legs and boxes and laughter and snarls, leaving Samuel alone with his monster, Father Victor, and the urge to vomit.

            Samuel watched Father Victor approach out of the corner of his eye. Not wanting to see the disappointment on his face or the pity in his eyes, he dropped his head to the desk with a resounding “thwap.”

            “Samuel?”

            “I can never go home,” he mumbled in reply.

            “Don’t be ridicuolous.”

            “How am I being ridiculous?” Samuel sat up. He moved his hands from his lap to the tabletop, then settled for crossing them in an attempt to hide their shaking. “I’ve barely scraped through my other classes, and now I’ll never be a Dark Creator. I mean, I failed, right? That’s why you didn’t say anything. What did I do wrong? I thought I’d finally gotten things right with that little guy!”

            “Samuel, you have the potential to be a phenomenal creator; your creature proved that today. It had more life, more spirit than any of the others’—”

            “Then tell me what to do better and I’ll fix it! Give me another chance…”

            “You aren’t hearing me. It doesn’t need to be better or fixed. It’s perfect; it’s just too different.”

            Samuel shook his head, realization dawning on him. “But my family are Dark Creators.”

            “Your point?”

            “How am I supposed to go home and explain this to them? That I’m not like them… What am I supposed to do now? I’ll never be one of them.”

            “Your family,” Father Victor said firmly, “will understand. The world needs all kinds of people in order to thrive, and your family will accept you as you are.”

When Samuel arrived home, he snuck in through the side door, crept up the stairs to his room, and slid the door closed with little more than a squeak. He flipped the light on and turned around, dropping his bag to the floor.

“Welcome home.” On the bed sat Samuel’s mother and father, their hands clasped in their laps, their eyes fixed on him. Samuel sank to the floor with a groan.

“You know? Of course you know. How stupid of me to think I’d be the one to tell my own parents how big of a failure I am.”

“Honey,” his mother cooed. “You have never been a failure to anyone but yourself, and I know you must be upset right now, but this is a good thing for you.”

A good thing? Samuel thought she must be losing her mind if she had convinced herself that this could be anything other than the terrible mess that it was.

“You don’t have to worry about everyone’s expectations now. Just let it go and be you.”

“But how do I know who that is anymore?”

“Do you know what Father Victor told us today?” Samuel’s father asked, and, not waiting for a response, he continued. “He said that your creature took his breath away. It was fresh and exciting; it wasn’t, however, the terrifying monster he expected. In that cage, beneath the fangs and the claws, beneath all the snarling, was a terrified creature. It was alone and blind and scared of a world it couldn’t make sense of, made of fear and confusion. And it got all of that from you.”

He took his wife’s hand in his own, staring down at their intertwined fingers. When he lifted his gaze back to Samuel, he gave his son a small smile.

“Monsters are fierce, Samuel. They thrive on fear. What you made, it might have been monstrous, but it was no monster; it was merely in need of a caretaker. Father Victor explained that he had never seen anyone create a friendly species without proper training, as it takes more skill and focus to impart character on a being than it does mindless rage.”

Samuel stared at his father. Words were coming out of his mouth, yes, but he wasn’t entirely convinced those words made sense. He turned his confusion on his mother, who stood from her spot on his bed and crossed the distance between them. She lowered herself to her knees in front of him and smiled.

“What your father is trying to say is that Father Victor was thoroughly impressed with you, and while you may not have been approved to pass into a Dark Creator apprenticeship, he is recommending you be transferred to the Fantastical Creatures Department, where he’s sure you will be able to finish your studies in time for graduation.”

            Stunned, Samuel sat in silence. His mother’s arm wrapped around his neck, and he was dimly aware of his own reaching up to hold her. Across the room, his father sat on the unmade bed with a smug look on his face.

            “A Bringer of Light born out of Darkness,” she whispered in his ear. “I think it suits you.”

Dream Big (or Small ... Just Dream)

It has long been a dream of mine to open my own bookstore and to publish my own writings, but to be honest I've never really seen a bookstore in my immediate future or seen myself publishing any way other than traditionally. Owning and operating a bookstore requires time and money that, frankly, I just don't have, and when it comes to my books, well, I always wanted the widest audience for them. I no longer see publishing the way  I used to, mostly in part to the evolution I see.

It used to be that self-publishing was a huge No-No in the publishing world; if you wanted success, you didn't do it yourself. Now, however, that seems to be changing. More and more authors (big name authors) are going indie and/or self-publishing their work themselves, and the publishing world hasn't ground to a halt. The earth has not stopped spinning. People, it seems, are still buying books. There was, and I suppose still is, a bit of a hoopla over ebooks, but that too seems to be passing. I mention them because they go hand-in-hand with self-publishing these days, as you no longer have to print a book in order to get it to your readers.

So when I was approached by someone (a friend, colleague, and mentor of mine) who wanted to start her own business but simply couldn't go it alone, I was intrigued. She described her intended venture as something a step above self-publishing. A way for those interested in writing but unable to secure agents or uninterested in traditional publishing or even unaware of the steps to self-publish to produce their works. Having always loved publishing and books in general, I agreed to test the waters and began my research with a few books she had picked up.

Now that I've familiarized myself with print on demand presses and the steps to self-publishing and the inner workings of Amazon, I have come to the conclusion that what we are really trying to develop is a small, independent publishing house that utilizes the efficiency of print on demand presses in order to minimize costs and maximize profit. And I have to say, I love the idea of it.

So, while I intend to keep honing my own craft, I'm setting out on a new adventure that will, hopefully, allow me to share the works of other talented writers with the world, all while working two other jobs. And with any luck I'll have more to share on this soon.